|How to Recipe for a Bikini Tanned
by Dear Miss Mermaid
Learn how to make this sexy bikini turkey and give your family or
guests a great laugh. Turkey isn't just for holidays, it's a great
budget food. Leftovers go a long way making sandwiches and soup. For
leftovers, pull off all the extra meat and refrigerate, then gently
simmer the carcass on the stove or in a Crockpot with herbs, for
several hours. Strain and save leftover broth to cook dried beans or
rice. You can also cool the broth and freeze it for later use.
Difficulty: Moderately Easy
Things You'll Need:
a whole turkey
A SENSE OF HUMOR!
How big a turkey do you need?
You should allow 350g/12oz per person (with bone) but bear in mind
that's just for one meal. Below are some example bird sizes, with extra
allowed for hearty diners or leftovers.
Serves 4 2.7kg/ 6 lb
Serves 6 4.5kg/ 10 lb
Serves 8 5.4kg/ 12 lb
Serves 10 6.8kg/ 15 lb
Serves 12 8.1kg/ 18 lb
Serves 14 9.4kg/ 21 lb
Preheat oven to 325F degrees.
Make sure turkey is completely thawed. Reach inside cavities and remove
neck and giblets. Save for another recipe. Wash turkey and pat dry.
Next, size up your turkey and use scissors to design a bikini bottom
out of tin foil. Place on turkey.
For the bikini top, lay out a piece of tin foil. Use a small juice
glass to draw 2 circles for the bra top, then draw out the straps, cut
and place over turkey breasts.
Optionally, you can undo the wings, lift over the turkey neck and tie
together with cooking twine (see resources below).
Spray a roasting pan liberally with non-stick spray, then place turkey
Make sure the tin foil is smoothed flat on the
Next sprinkle the turkey with SAGE, this will give the turkey great
flavor. Then sprinkle generously with PAPRIKA. This is going to give it
that wonderful golden tan, so don't be skimpy on it. Gently pat the
herbs against the skin, so they stick well.
Use a moist paper towel and gently wipe off excess herbs that have
stuck to the tin foil bikini. (You don't want any herbs under the
Bake turkey in oven. When turkey is past half it's cooking time,
gently, remove the bikini. Continue cooking until done.
6 to 8 pounds 2-1/2 to 3 hours
8 to 12 pounds 3 to 4 hours
12 to 16 pounds 4 to 5 hours
16 to 20 pounds 5 to 5-1/2 hours
20 to 24 pounds 5-1/2 to 6 hours
If using a meat thermometer, place the meat thermometer in the thickest
part of the thigh, taking care that it does not touch any bone. Roast
the turkey until the meat thermometer reaches 170-180 degrees F.
When turkey is done pull out of oven and let sit 20-30 minutes while
you assemble the rest of the meal, set the table etc. You may wish to
cover turkey with a light foil tent to "hide the surprise bikini".
Use the poultry forks to transfer the turkey to a serving platter. Your
dinner is sure to be a comical hit!
Bon appetit from Dear Miss Mermaid!
Dear Miss Mermaid also wrote the book "Hurricanes & Hangovers",
which includes some funny recipes.
Tips & Warnings
Try to make this turkey "top secret" and surprise the guests!
Every time you check it, tell them it's a top secret recipe and everyone
must leave the kitchen. Forbid anyone to look in the oven.
Don't forget to take a photo and send it to Dear Miss Mermaid!
WARNING: Making this recipe can cause serious comedy!
your stuffing be tasty
your turkey be plump,
your potatoes and gravy
never a lump.
your yams be delicious
your pies take the prize,
may your holiday dinner
off your thighs!