How to Recipe for a Bikini Tanned Turkey
by Dear Miss Mermaid
Hurricanes and Hangovers and Other Tall Tales and Loose Lies from the Coconut Telegraph by Dear Miss Mermaid
How to Recipe for a Bikini Tanned Turkey

by Dear Miss Mermaid
Turkey recipe

Introduction
Learn how to make this sexy bikini turkey and give your family or guests a great laugh. Turkey isn't just for holidays, it's a great budget food. Leftovers go a long way making sandwiches and soup. For leftovers, pull off all the extra meat and refrigerate, then gently simmer the carcass on the stove or in a Crockpot with herbs, for several hours. Strain and save leftover broth to cook dried beans or rice. You can also cool the broth and freeze it for later use.

Instructions
Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You'll Need:
a whole turkey
paprika
sage
tin foil
scissors
A SENSE OF HUMOR!


1Step One
How big a turkey do you need?
You should allow 350g/12oz per person (with bone) but bear in mind that's just for one meal. Below are some example bird sizes, with extra allowed for hearty diners or leftovers.
Serves 4 2.7kg/ 6 lb
Serves 6 4.5kg/ 10 lb
Serves 8 5.4kg/ 12 lb
Serves 10 6.8kg/ 15 lb
Serves 12 8.1kg/ 18 lb
Serves 14 9.4kg/ 21 lb

2Step Two
Preheat oven to 325F degrees.

Make sure turkey is completely thawed. Reach inside cavities and remove neck and giblets. Save for another recipe. Wash turkey and pat dry. Next, size up your turkey and use scissors to design a bikini bottom out of tin foil. Place on turkey.

For the bikini top, lay out a piece of tin foil. Use a small juice glass to draw 2 circles for the bra top, then draw out the straps, cut and place over turkey breasts.

Optionally, you can undo the wings, lift over the turkey neck and tie together with cooking twine (see resources below).

Spray a roasting pan liberally with non-stick spray, then place turkey in pan.

3Step Three
Make sure the tin foil is smoothed flat on the skin. Next sprinkle the turkey with SAGE, this will give the turkey great flavor. Then sprinkle generously with PAPRIKA. This is going to give it that wonderful golden tan, so don't be skimpy on it. Gently pat the herbs against the skin, so they stick well.

Use a moist paper towel and gently wipe off excess herbs that have stuck to the tin foil bikini. (You don't want any herbs under the foil.)

Bake turkey in oven. When turkey is past half it's cooking time, gently, remove the bikini. Continue cooking until done.

6 to 8 pounds 2-1/2 to 3 hours
8 to 12 pounds 3 to 4 hours
12 to 16 pounds 4 to 5 hours
16 to 20 pounds 5 to 5-1/2 hours
20 to 24 pounds 5-1/2 to 6 hours

If using a meat thermometer, place the meat thermometer in the thickest part of the thigh, taking care that it does not touch any bone. Roast the turkey until the meat thermometer reaches 170-180 degrees F.

4Step Four
When turkey is done pull out of oven and let sit 20-30 minutes while you assemble the rest of the meal, set the table etc. You may wish to cover turkey with a light foil tent to "hide the surprise bikini".

Use the poultry forks to transfer the turkey to a serving platter. Your dinner is sure to be a comical hit!

Bon appetit from Dear Miss Mermaid

Dear Miss Mermaid wrote the book "Hurricanes & Hangovers", which includes some funny recipes.

Tips & Warnings
Try to make this turkey "top secret" and surprise the guests!
Every time you check it, tell them it's a top secret recipe and everyone must leave the kitchen. Forbid anyone to look in the oven.
Don't forget to take a photo and send it to Dear Miss Mermaid

WARNING: Making this recipe can cause serious comedy!

May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize, And may your holiday dinner Stay off your thighs!

Read about Dear Miss Mermaid's Daily Adventures at
DearMissMermaid.Blogspot.com/

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